Monday, August 18, 2008

Virtuous Souls


To be fair, I’d have to admit that not all the residents of Laverstone are destined to become brickettes on the barbeques of Hell. There are several* people who are either virtuous to the extreme or else so devoutly religious in a non-Christian/Jewish/Islamic or other faith derived from the Pentateuch that they have plans elsewhere.**

Take Wilfred Benbow (please!). He was brought up in an orphanage run by the Sisters of Just Rewards and is as devout as they come. He never misses a mass and prays for all eight vigils every day like a monk. If there had been a monastery in Laverstone he would have entered it and spent his life happily devoted to peeling potatoes. Instead poor Wilfred, who is perpetually a blank document in need of a memory stick, became a park keeper through the Government’s employment initiative and the council’s disability tick boxes.

He spends his days pushing a broom around the Royal Park and chipping old chewing gum off the paved areas and benches. He’s as kind a man as you could hope to meet; the kind of man who, if asked for a glass of water, would invite you in for a cup of tea***.

If Wilfred has a fault at all, it’s his hatred of pigeons. He has to clean to park statues.



*Isn’t it odd that ‘several’ is an amalgamation of ‘sever’ and ‘all’, as if by singling out these people from the crowd I have doomed them to wither and die.

**Though it has to be pointed out that since every religion has a ‘non-believers go to Hell’ clause everybody ends up down there, since, for example, the most devout Hindu is a Christian non-believer.

*** Which explains why he owns nothing but a chair and a kettle and a Kenwood Veg-o-matic.

4 comments:

aims said...

And a veg-o-matic? OMG!

Is that supposed to be 'two' statues? The chronicler might have missed a letter there.

Funny that today my word of the day came up as 'sempiternal'. An interesting word. Applies to Jasfoup completely.

Leatherdykeuk said...

It was 'the park statues'. I shall have to chastise her.

I'm not sempiturnal, though. I still take tea with my mother, once a decade, regular as clockwork.

aims said...

I bet your mother just loves that.

My description reads - of never ending duration; everlasting; having beginning, but no end.

Not you Jasfoup?

Leatherdykeuk said...

Ah! That piece, perhaps ;)