Monday, November 3, 2008


I've seen hundreds of children born over the years but, despite it being a beautiful experience full of the joys of the cycle of life, I’d rather not watch, if it’s all the same to you. I’m a demon of the sixth circle* and let me tell you – childbirth makes me squeamish!

Watching a vampire give birth is even more bizaree,** Quite apart from the huge amount of blood required to sustain a vampire through a pregnancy, if you don’t want the child to be dead when it wakes up*** you have to speed up the whole process so that it occurs between dusk and dawn.

What a mess that is. Add to the gore the fact you can’t afford a protracted birth – the baby has to be cut out ASAP. At least vampires heal quickly.

Never again.

Harold’s either got to keep his parade of blue balls in his pocket or find a mortal girl to sire his brood on, intelligence optional.

Still, Lucy is as darling a baby as any you’d ever care to love. She has to be registered by Thursday, though, so we’ll need to do something about her wings.

*I got the promotion after banishing an angel. Let’s not tell anyone where I banished it to, all right?

**Mis-spell intended. What do you think – does it make the word any more palatable?

***Wakes up dead, if you follow me – a ‘born once’ vampire baby.


aims said...

Gosh Jasfoup. What a conundrum. It's got me thinking.

The mispelling makes it a - tad - more palatable...but still it's a hard word to swallow at any time.

As for vampire babies - I guess 'born again' doesn't even come into question does it.

So - Gillian is out then is she? Doesn't want to do it again? But has to be Harold's seed and it's a repayment.....hmmm.......what a conundrum indeed.

And me and childbirth? Eurghhhhhhhh.......never could - but still - yikes! And then the immediate bonding afterwards and the forgetting of all that anguish and pain? How do they do it!

Leatherdykeuk said...

Born-once vampires are very scary indeed ;) Especially when they need their nappies changed.

I was never a mother but I know several people who are and liked it.

stephanie said...

*laughs* Yes, I suppose they had best do something about those.

Sweet look into Jasfoup's thoughts.

Leatherdykeuk said...

Thanks, Steph :)

Wings are often a problem with new borns.

Stinking Billy said...

jasfoup, I sometimes think that you the only real, sane and truthful one among us. More power to your elbow.

Leatherdykeuk said...

Thanks Billy.

My elbow is fine, so I've passed your boon to Harold, who gets RSI in one arm.