Hotter than Hell? I think not.

I was taking tea in the park this morning, minding my own business* and listening to the lady on the next table but one complain about the weather.

“It’s so hot,”** she said. “I can hardly breathe for the heat. It’s hotter than Hell.”

“Excuse me, Madam,” I said. “I couldn’t help overhearing, on account of eavesdropping. I feel compelled to point out that hell is considerably hotter than anything Earth could provide, since even the vestibule would char the flesh from your bones. You might be your opinion but you’re making a comparison you’re not qualified for.”

I raised my hat. “Good day to you.”




*Bear in mind that it’s my business to (a) gather souls for the Glory of Hell and (b) increase the Sin Index of the world in general. Minding my own business, then, requires that I eavesdrop on conversations, offer unsolicited advise, and cause the ice lollies of small children to melt just by looking at them.

You may think this is annoying in the least but imagine what happens when a small child’s lolly melts. They generally cry, thus increasing the mother’s irritation. The mother becomes snappy and will probably bitch at the next person to talk to her. The misery is self perpetuating and increases exponentially.



** It is the preoccupation of the British to both talk about and complain about the weather. “It’s so hot” can never be answered by ‘Is it?” Stating the bleedin’ obvious is a national pastime for the Brits. They will complain equally about the heat, the cold, the wind, the rain, the state of the economy, the flood of foreign imports and the decline of the English Language.. As has been observed on many occasions, ‘you just can’t please some people.’ That would be the English then, who are never happy unless there’s something to complain about. How does one spell ‘England’ you ask? 3645263.


Image: Dates from Hell