The Bible in 100 words

"Anyway," I said. "Stop messing about and get this door open. I've got better things to do than banter about books, you know."

"Like what?" Winston readied his eldritch sunshine. I say sunshine but it was more of a sepia than a yellow, as if the world was perpetually viewed in daguerreotype. Which, being the Dead Line, was quite appropriate, really.

"Like sending this bloke to Hell and getting back to the Manor for dinner," I said

Meinwen opened the door and Winston shone his sunlight into the room beyond, except it wasn't a room but a small vestibule with front door and stairs to the first floor. A pile of letters, bills and circulars filled the space to a depth of three feet, spilling over into the room now that we'd opened the door."

"By Harry and St. George," I said. "Why hasn't this bloke been evicted for non-payment of bills?"

Meinwen pulled some random envelopes off the top of the pile. "Direct Debit?" she said. "These bills are all marked 'For Information Only."

"Dame the elusive soul who makes such detailed plans," I said.

"The stained glass is pretty, though," said Meinwen, "and look! Here's a letter that says he might have won a million pounds already."

"Funny," I said. "I thought Reader's Digest had gone bust."

"Nah." Winston grinned. "They've just gone ultra slim. They sent me '100 Best Novels in 100 words last month." He frowned. "It still cost me thirty quid, but I can discuss Virgil with the best now."


Image: The Aeneid (Penguin Classics)