"I wouldn't have killed myself. Suicides go to Hell, don't they? I saw that on 'Constantine'."
"Almost everyone goes to Hell these days. Heaven's closed until the Redemption, haven't you heard?"
Mandy stared at the back of his head. The cut of his hair was slightly off, as if it had been styled by someone who had never seen the back of his own head and had just guessed how it should go based on other people's. "I though people went to Heaven when they died?"
"Tch!" Jasfoup gave a bark of laughter and looked over his shoulder at her. "You've got to be kidding. After the Apocalypse there will be a rising of the faithful, those that still have their bodies, anyway. You should know all this. The details are all carefully written out in Revelations." He lifted her corpse's head slightly.
Mandy gave a half-shrug. "We only did the New Testament at school."
"Revelations is the New Testament."
"Yeah, of course. I meant the... you know... proper one. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and Paul."
"You forgot Ringo."
She narrowed her eyes, unsure if he was making fun of her. "He was in the Beatles."
Jasfoup winked at her. "Same basic tenets as the gospels, though. Be nice to people and have a good time."
"Nobody told me all that stuff was actually real. I'd have paid more attention at school if they had. Gone to church or something."
"If you say so." Jasfoup left off examining her corpse and stood up. He reached across the coffee table for her Versace clutch bag and opened it. "Is this your handbag?" He began pulling out the contents without waiting for a reply. Tampons, condoms, a packet of mints. He emptied her purse onto the pile.
"You going to steal from me as well?" she said. "That sounds a bit iffy."
"To be fair, I'm a demon," he said. "I can do pretty much anything I want and you'd probably find it in my job description, but as it happens, no, I'm not going to steal anything. Why would I need to? As it happens, I was looking for someone to call."
"My mum's under 'mum' in my phone," said Mandy, but the demon had stopped listening. He was holding the red and blue card she kept at the back of her purse with her debit and credit cards and the one for her supermarket loyalty points.
"A donor card?" he said. "What a waste."
"Don't demons approve of donor cards then?"
"What?" He seemed to be deep in thought, only returning to the present after several seconds. "Oh. No. We don't care either way. We'll get you in the end however long you extend your life. No, I meant it was a waste that you died at home. Anywhere else and they could have harvested your organs. Give someone a new start. You'd be amazed at the number of people who become religious after an organ transplant. You too far gone, now. All your tissues will have started necrosis."
"They look pretty good from here."
"Yes. Odd, that." He frowned and bent over the body again, using a pencil to lift her eyelid. Mandy turned away from the milky white orb beneath. "You should have begun to release body fluids at the very least." He stood again and narrowed his eyes. "Are you sure you don't remember dying?" he said.
"No, honestly. The last thing I remember is snogging a bloke at the back of the chippy and getting a taxi home. I must have been so drunk I passed out on the settee."
"Snogging, eh? Nothing else?"
"Nah. He was too kinky for me. He had rotten breath, too. Put me right off."
"Kinky?" The demon seemed concerned. She didn't think demons were protective like that. It made her feel a bit fuzzy, as if he was her dad or an older brother. "What did he want to do?"
"He said he wanted to possess me but I din't like the sound of that and came home instead."
"Yeah." She frowned. "I think so, anyway. I must have done. There's no-one else here."