Thursday, May 13, 2010

Dead Rite chapter 4.01

"You're going to have to act more naturally than that," said Jasfoup, waving a round of half-eaten kebab at her. "You'll get a ticket for being inept if you don't get a hang of which muscles do what."

"I'm trying." Amanda shuffled forward one pace, then another. "It's not easy, you know. I didn't have to think about any of this before."

"Before?"

"Before I died and came back as whatever this is."

"A zombie."

"Don't keep calling me that. I don't like it."

"You're a spirit in immoral possession of corpse, even if it is your own. What else can I call you?"

"How about 'Amanda'?" She shuffled further, using her arm to guide her around the edge of the sofa.

"Har-de-har." The demon took out a yellow silk handkerchief and dabbed at the corners of his mouth. "I'll call you Amanda when you demonstrate you deserve it. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Do what? Carry on living? Yes."

"It's hardly living, is it?" He opened the pita bread to extract three pieces of grey meat and tossed the rest. He waved it in front of her face. "Are you hungry?"

"No. Yes." Amanda screwed up her face. "Not for that, anyway."

"No." The demon tipped back his head and dropped the handful into his mouth. "You want fresh red meat, dripping with blood with a side helping of pulsing pink brain, don't you?"

"Actually," Amanda paused mid-shuffle. "I could really go for a bowl of hummus."

"Don't be ridiculous. Zombies eat raw flesh. Preferably human."

"I want to be vegetarian." Amanda attempted a 180-degree turn. There's some salad in the fridge. I bought it for a lunch last week but went to the American-style diner with Julie. It has little potatoes in."

Jasfoup scowled. "If your mother could see you now..." He crossed the room and picked up the remains of the pita bread, shredded lettuce and carrot spilling from it like intestines at a witch trial. "If you're so vegetarian," he said, waving it at her, "how come you were eating a kebab last night?"

"I wasn't a vegetarian yesterday." Amanda shuffled toward the kitchen. "If a vegetarian became a zombie, would they start eating meat?"

"Of course." Jasfoup held the door open for her. "Zombies eat meat. Brains, generally, because it slows the deterioration in their own."

"Then I must be part of the cosmic balance," said Amanda. "The first vegetarian zombie."

"But you need blood to lubricate your muscles," said the demon. "The nutrients in flesh to provide the ones you lack yourself."

"I can take vitamins." Amanda reached the kitchen. "I've got some in the medicine cabinet. Iron, too, actually, from when I had a series of really heavy periods."

Jasfoup turned slightly green "Would you stop being so disgusting?" he said. "You can't just take multivitamins because your stomach won't digest any more. That's why you need to eat flesh."

"Shan't." Amanda reached the fridge. "Oh look! I bought this when I had cystitis last week. Cranberry juice!"

4 comments:

stephanie said...

What a dear she is.

Leatherdykeuk said...

*laughs*
Until she falls to bits!

martha said...

Don't let her fall to bits - please. I like her. she's different.

Leatherdykeuk said...

I try, Martha, but no promises